


It's some kind of magic

by boleyn13



Series: Avengers Compound [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avenger Bucky Barnes, Avenger Loki, Avengers Family, Domestic Avengers, F/M, Loki hates kids, M/M, Sexual Tension, Tony Is Not Helping, and Doctor Strange
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-12
Updated: 2016-05-12
Packaged: 2018-06-08 01:45:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6833722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boleyn13/pseuds/boleyn13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Back at the compound Tony realises that everything has gone wrong during his absence and decides to shakes things up a little bit. Clearly everybody has been having way too much fun without him. Also he has to confront Loki about turning into a black panther and wanting to cuddle with him</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's some kind of magic

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everybody,
> 
> So the first one shot was so much fun and I still had some ideas... here's another one. Let's find out how the madness continues :D

The day began with a loud bang and a major headache. Tony commented on it the only way he thought appropriate. “Fuck!”

Rolling over Tony tried to take in his surroundings. What had just happened? He was lying on the floor, not the first time. Terrible headache, also not the first time. Tony was an expert on headaches and unfortunately there was no alcohol involved in this one. Not cool. Sitting up Tony blinked the remains of sleep away. Ahh, he had fallen off the couch. Why had he been sleeping on the couch? Sure, he was doing that all the time when he was drunk… sometimes he slept on the floor to avoid falling off the couch…

Compound, cool. Why had he slept on the couch though? He had a perfectly furnished room upstairs with a heavenly soft bed. Right, Loki kitty. What had that been about? Tony wasn’t sure what to make of it. After all he had pretty much fallen asleep with Loki’s head in his lap. Granted, Loki had been a panther, but it was still weird, right? Going through the facts it seemed pretty simple – Loki had come on to Tony, wanting him to pet him.

Yeah, even gods couldn’t resist Tony’s ultimate charm. He was awesome. Loki was never going to hear the end of this.

Rubbing his throbbing head Tony got up to his feet and stumbled towards the kitchen. Wonderful, Barnes was already there. What a nice way to start the day.

“You look like shit.”

Always a pleasure.

Heading for the coffee Tony gave Barnes the finger to buy himself some time. His brain wasn’t ready yet to come up with a witty response. Unfortunately Barnes quickly figured that out and smirked at him. “Still a little tired?”

Sipping on his coffee Tony felt his spirits and energy coming back to life. Quick scan. Barnes looked good, asshole. Well rested, his hair nicely brushed, he was buzzing with energy. No signs of hickeys or other marks. Hmm, yes, Tony could work with that.

“Yeah, I probably didn’t get enough sleep. You sure look like you did, all well rested. What happened? Didn’t get any action last night? What happened? Did Cap come up with a migraine?”

Bullseye. Barnes’ good mood took the train and left town, his face going back to his blank, deadly Winter Soldier stare. Tony patted himself mentally on the shoulder, pissing people off in under three seconds. Still got it.

“Well, sleeping on the couch with your mouth open, drooling and snoring doesn’t sound like much action either.”

“I don’t snore.”

“You do. Loudly. I wanted to smother you with a cushion, but Vision said I couldn’t.”

Tony just stared at him for a second before he couldn’t hold back the grin any longer. “God, I missed you.”

Barnes reacted with rolling his eyes and turning back to his stove. “There is still some bacon left and enough pancakes to feed an army since Thor isn’t back yet and forgot to tell anyone.”

What? Checking the clock on the wall Tony blinked in confusion. The people he lived with were crazy. “You are kidding me. It’s half past 6 and you’re trying to tell me that breakfast is already over?!”

“Sure.” Barnes shrugged casually. “We’re Avengers. That’s what we do. Get up early, work out, be ready all the time… Keeps us from getting old… and rusty.” In a very not so subtle way Barnes let his eyes travel across Tony’s body and he instantly felt like a 15 year old girl with a serious inferiority complex concerning her looks. So the average 15 year old girl.

“Are you saying I’m not in shape?”

Another shrug and then the meanest smile Tony had seen in fucking ages. Damn, now Barnes was even giving Loki a run for his money. “Well, I guess it’s not that important when you are running around in a metal suit which is doing all the work for you.”

“Oh, you are so going to start paying rent, jackass.”

That didn’t impress Barnes in the slightest. “Want to prove me wrong, just hit the gym with us. I’ll even keep the left arm behind my back.”

“No, thanks. I wouldn’t want to hit an old, helpless man.”

Not Tony’s best comment and Barnes only grinned at him. “Thought so… eat your breakfast. You want some more bacon for your cholesterol?”

Fuck that guy, Tony was in great shape. He just wasn’t a freak who had been trained by a terror group and deep fried. When Barnes was out off sight Tony served himself and comfortably sat down. Barnes could be a dick all he wanted, Tony was still going to enjoy his breakfast. Metal arm should better watch his back, now he was on Tony’s list. There were a lot of things Tony needed to change in this house. Instantly. First of all, people needed to stop to get up before 7 o’clock. That was just weird and wrong. Also Barnes was forever going to continue to make breakfast, because this bacon was fucking delicious. Next step – Tony was going to show them how to have a good time, they clearly had completely forgotten about that. Naturally, if Steve was calling the shots, everything and everyone was doomed.

After finishing breakfast Tony got up and headed whistling upstairs. Settling into his own room was done quite quickly and Tony took a long nice shower. Tony had paid a fucking fortune for this stupid couch, it should be more comfortable. Or maybe it would be good idea to spend the next night in his bed. Drying off Tony walked into his huge closet and when he couldn’t find something he liked the very first second, he came up with another idea. “Friday, what’s the temperature? Warm enough to put my glorious body on display?”

“Is any answer I might give even relevant? It seems to me you have already made up your mind.”

“Clever girl.”

Grinning to himself Tony grabbed his swimming trunks, slipped them on and left his room, a towel in his hand. What do you need for a pool party? Whistling again Tony headed back to the kitchen.

“What the hell are you doing?”

Turning his head slightly Tony spotted Sam standing behind him, quirking an eyebrow at him. Tony wasn’t quite sure if he liked that gaze. It looked somehow accusing, as if he was doing something wrong. “I am making Margaritas. You want some?”

“It’s not even 9 o’clock!”

Shrugging casually Tony poured himself a glass. “I don’t see your point. No pool party without Margaritas.”

Next to him Sam was shaking his head. “You have issues, man.”

“Exactly, I know how to have fun. Something you guys clearly forgot under Steve’s evil rule. Friday, if anyone wants to join the party, I’m outside.”

Casually strolling past Sam Tony waltzed out into the garden. Half a minute later Tony was lying comfortably in a deckchair, sipping on a Margarita and playing with his newest version of the Stark Pad. The warm morning sun felt nice on his skin, but the completely confused faces of his fellow Avengers were even better. Way better.

“What the hell are you doing?”

Tony had heard that before.

“Getting drunk before midday? That’s a new record.” Natasha was crossing her arms in front of her chest, trying to stare him down and Tony did so not care. No, that was a lie, it was quite amusing. Raising his glass Tony smirked, baring all his marvellous teeth. “No, I’m having a good time. Pool party. Want to join in?”

She responded by shaking his head and going back into the house. Tony reacted with a shrug and went back to playing angry birds. It turned out to be quite a surprise when Wanda joined him, lying down on another deckchair, wearing a bikini that made Tony think of things that would only get him into trouble. “Margarita?”

“No, thank you. I am taking a break from Steve’s training schedule. It is exhausting.”

Ah, Tony had found a possible ally in his quest to overthrow Steve. This was going to be fun. “So Captain Boy scout is going to show up any second? Looking at you with those big blue eyes, being terribly disappointed?”

Wanda put on her sunglasses. “Rather unlikely. He is off with Loki. Visiting that school for the campaign against bullying.”

“Wow, so you’re rebelling while he isn’t here? That’s so very brave. I am impressed.”

Despite the sunglasses Tony was sure that she was rolling her eyes, but who cared. Feeling pretty content Tony continued his sunbath which was soon going to be interrupted again. “Seriously? You are doing your best to live up to your reputation.”

“Well, look who’s coming home. Being done babysitting the president?”

Rhodey was shaking his head at him, his expression a mixture of annoyance and amusement. Great, another one to join him in battle. This was going to be fun. After greeting Wanda Rhodey sat down next to him. “Good to see you, Tony. When did you get here?”

“Yesterday and to be honest I am shocked by the state the house is in. Just a little question – how come you didn’t mention the fucking panther the last time we talked?”

Of course Rhodey didn’t look the slightest bit guilty. “What? You’re upset about the panther? Honestly I didn’t think it’d bother you. I thought you’d think it’d be cool.”

Why was everybody having such a bad opinion of him? Ridiculous.

“I like my panthers when they are cuddly and sweet. Not when they try to eat me.”

“Masika would never try to eat you. She has good taste.” That was Wanda, not even glancing at them, but perfectly cruel. Since Rhodey was a fucking traitor, he instantly had to start laughing and Tony rolled his eyes. “Anyway, this compound has become fucking lame. I am going to spice things up. Starting with the pool party. Come on, have a drink and join us.”

Before Rhodey could refuse Barnes felt the need to stick his head out of the window and interrupt them, because he was a jerk. “Guys! You have to come inside and see this! They’re broadcasting Steve’s and Loki’s campaign!”

Hell, that was a little something that would motivate anyone to get their ass up to watch this. Rushing back into the house Tony almost bumped into Barnes who wrinkled his nose when he realised that Tony was barely wearing any clothes. “What? You’re jealous?”

“Just sit your ass down and shut your mouth.”

Only because he wanted to see the incoming disaster Tony did indeed sit down and he didn’t miss how Vision handed Wanda a bathrobe. Damn, that robot was lucky was lucky to already have a red head, otherwise Tony was sure that they would see him blush.

Anyway, they were all gathered around the television and Tony already loved every second of it. It looked like the whole school had come together in the gym, eager to meet the two present Avengers. The principal was holding a little speech, thanking them for coming here and blablabla. Steve and Loki were sitting on an improvised stage and while Captain America was looking proud and content to be here, Loki didn’t even try to hide how bored he was. At the moment he was checking out his painted nails.

“Can somebody explain to me why the hell Steve took Loki with him? Yeah, sure to punish him for being a jerk, but… seriously? He’s going to make some of the kids disappear and ruin our image. On live television.”

Granted, Sam was making a good point here, but Tony’s was better. “Because it’s going to be fucking hilarious. Now shut up, I don’t want to miss a thing.”

Unfortunately Steve seemed to have given this some thought and when the principal was done introducing them, it was him who told to be nice, sweet, fluffy and boring. Loki kept sitting there, putting his bad mood on display, not giving a fuck. Tony was already beginning to curse Steve for ruining once again a perfect opportunity for fun when the principal was saving the day. “And now the Avengers are going to take some time to answer some of your questions.”

“Awesome!”

Next to him Natasha sighed loudly. “This is going to end badly.”

“I assure you my brother knows how to make a good impression.”

“Yeah, if he cares… he doesn’t look like he cares.”

Even Vision had his doubts. “There is indeed a strong possibility that most of these children do not know how easy it is to upset Loki.”

“Like I said – awesome!”

All of their eyes were glued to the screen when a little boy was the first one to ask a question. Tony’s face fell when the boy wanted to know if Steve liked spinach. Really? “My mommy always says I have to eat it to grow big and strong. She says Captain America has eaten a lot of vegetables to become so strong. Is that true?”

Tony mirrored Loki’s reaction and rolled his eyes while Steve answered with a stupid smile. Yeah, eating vegetables was important… Ask Loki if he has a speaking cat!

A girl with blonde ponytails was next and Tony’s prayers were answered. Should he feel bad now? That girl looked really cute, Tony didn’t want Loki to kill her.

“Loki, are you really a wizard?” She was whispering into the microphone, clearly in awe.

Everyone around him sucked in a deep breath.

Loki’s green eyes narrowed instantly, they all knew how much he hated that word. Almost as much as he hated magician. “I prefer the term sorcerer, but yes, I can do magic. Obviously.”

Steve next to him began shifting from one foot to another and the little girl was so amazed that he immediately asked a second question. “Like Harry Potter?”

“Oh god…”

“Fuck…”

After gritting his teeth Loki, despite being the god of lies, gave an honest answer. “No, not like Harry Potter. I don’t need words or a ridiculous wooden stick to turn somebody into a rat. I can do that by looking at them.”

Steve was slowly but surely turning pale and Tony was telling Friday to record every second of this glorious TV moment.

The next in line was a teenage boy, staring at Loki with big eyes. His lower lips seemed to be trembling, but oddly enough not because he was afraid. “Hey Loki… first of all… you are my favourite Avenger…”

“I would thank you if the choice wasn’t so painfully obvious.”

“This. Is. So. Awesome!”

“Tony, he basically called us idiots!”

“Look at Steve! He’s about to have a heart attack! It’s so fucking great!”

Barnes hit him on the head with something and Tony gave him the finger.

The kid blinked in confusion, but then asked his question. “Can you turn our maths teacher into a frog?”

The gym erupted into laughter, Tony couldn’t stop grinning and even Sam and Wanda weren’t able to hold back a chuckle. That stopped instantly when the camera focused back on Loki who seemed to be considering it. “Oh, I definitely could. What do I get in exchange?”

Before Loki and the kid could make a deal Steve jumped in between them. “He is of course joking. Nobody is going to turn anybody into anything.”

Loki cocked his head, finally wearing a smile on his lips. “Oh, you are no fun, Captain.”

Another girl was approaching the microphone and some boy was yelling across the whole gym. “Loki, my mom loves you!”

“I don’t get it.” Sam was shaking his head. “Seriously. Why is he the most popular among the 10-18 years old?”

“Moms seem to love him too.”

“I do not understand why my brother’s popularity is surprising you…”

“Shh!” Wanda raised her hand. “I want to hear what the girl says.”

So everybody shut up, because Wanda used her scary voice. The new girl was ridiculously cute and Tony really hoped that Loki wouldn’t crush her. Damn, that kid looked so excited to see him. “Hello Loki.”

She was clearly waiting for a response and Loki acted like it was a really big deal for him to reply with a bored “Hello.”

“I wanted to ask you if there also bullies when you went to school in Asgard.”

Tony’s eyebrows shot up when Loki actually winced. What the hell? Since he was a jackass Barnes of course burst out laughing. “Oh, great! You think he is going to cry? I bet Loki was the nerdy kid who always got picked on at school. Am I right, Thor?”

Big brother’s reaction was rather interesting. Thor shifted around uncomfortably and sighed “Well…”

“Yes, we’ve had some of those.”

The eyes of the little girl became a little bit bigger. “And… who did you deal with them?”

By now Loki was perfectly calm again, crossing his legs. “Rather easy if you have magic. If you don’t… first thing you need is a knife and a really…”

“He doesn’t mean that!” Steve quickly jumped in front of Loki and tried his best to smile, but he looked totally ridiculous while doing it. “Like we said, if you have a problem with a bully or anything else of that kind, you have to tell your parents and your teacher.”

The camera still caught a glimpse of Loki rolling his eyes and Tony moaned. “Cap is just a spoilsport! I wanted to hear what Loki had to say about the knife.”

“No, you don’t want to hear that story.” Thor determinedly shook his head and that only made Tony more curious. “Come on, big guy! Tell us, what did he do?!”

“Well, what do you think?” Sam seemed way too casual about this. “He probably stabbed the kid that made fun of him.”

Talking of kids, they made sure that the next one they brought to the microphone was wearing a Captain America t-shirt. Obviously he asked Steve something incredibly boring, because he was a Captain America fan and Captain America is terribly boring. Unlike the next kid. “Hey, Loki! A few weeks ago when you raised a tank with your mind and slammed it into another tank… That was so awesome!”

Loki was decent enough to say “Thank you”, but his face told everyone that he knew that it had had been pretty awesome. Those terrorists had made some bad life choices.

“Anyway… I wanted to know… are you as powerful as Doctor Strange?”

Loki’s face turned dark.

Oh… fuck.

“I am getting the suit.”

“I think we should all get suited up.”

Steve was clearly thinking the same. “Thank you for your questions, but we really have to go now. Avengers business…”

Luckily it turned out that Steve was the boss for a reason, he was able to keep Loki from slaughtering innocent children. Tony would never say that out loud though. When they came back to the compound one hour later they all had the chance to hear thoroughly what Loki was thinking about that last question. “… mere comparison is insulting! A mortal and a god! What do we have in common?!”

For some strange reason most of the Avengers were suddenly disappearing or had some very important business to attend to. Cowards… and idiots. Nothing was more entertaining than Loki losing his shit about someone mentioning Strange in his presence. It was so easy to set him off, Tony wondered why they weren’t doing that more often. Because it was fucking awesome.

Tony wasn’t the only one of this opinion. Barnes was having a blast. “Right, you don’t have too much in common. He is obviously the greatest sorcerer this world has ever seen and you are… not.”

And… now Tony remembered why they didn’t mention Strange around Loki all the time. That death glare would hunt Tony in his dreams. Those scary eyes definitely weren’t enough though and Loki clicked his fingers. How was it possible to make such a simple gesture menacing? “What were you saying?”

Barnes wasn’t saying anything, because he had just disappeared. Vanished into thin air. Gone. Away.

Tony thought it was awesome. Maybe he should start sucking up to Loki and then give him a list of people to let disappear… If Steve didn’t kill both of them, because he was freaking out. Quite a weird and strange sight. “Wh… What have you done?! Where is he? Bring him back! Right now!”

Damn, Tony had completely forgotten what Steve was like when he was pissed off and not holding back to play the nice little Captain who loved everyone. Nah, when it was about Barnes Steve could quickly turn into a blood thirsty killer. Yes, that was an incredibly exaggeration, but Steve had definitely lost his cool. Scared of not getting laid tonight if Loki didn’t bring Barnes back?

None of that was impressing Loki very much. He was just checking his black nails. “He insulted me, so I punished him.”

“Where did you send him?!”

“To a dark and vicious place that will give him nightmares to haunt him for the rest of his life.”

Tony couldn’t help but grin, because it was hilarious to see how Loki so obviously didn’t care and how Steve was trying his best to not lose his shit. So completely in vain. “Loki, bring him back. Instantly.”

Oh, Steve’s menacing voice… this was going to be good.

Now Loki was looking up, but he still made the impression as if he was about to yawn. “Or what?”

Tony was already hoping for a Mexican stand-off, but Steve had to ruin everything once again. “If you don’t, I’ll call Doctor Strange to come over and do it.”

Ouch, now that hurt.

Loki scowled and Tony thought that he would now let Steve disappear too. Didn’t happen, perhaps Loki didn’t want to take the risk that somebody might see Doctor Strange undoing one of his spells. Diva…

Growling softly Loki made a lazy gesture with his hand and there was Barnes. Clearly confused, with his eyes wide and Tony thought he looked hilariously shocked. Steve was of course instantly there to hold his hand. “Bucky? You’re okay?”

“So much shrieking… That maniac sent me to a Super Sweet 16 Party!”

Impossible. There was nothing Tony could do. Nothing but almost collapsing because he was laughing so hard. “So awesome…”

Not giving a single fuck about any of them Loki left the room and nobody commentated on it, because Bucky looked indeed scarred for life and Steve was busy patting his back. Finally getting his laughter under control Tony brushed some small tears away and then hastily followed Loki. One should take advantage of an opportunity when it presented itself. And what an opportunity…

Tony turned out to be lucky bastard when Loki didn’t disappear into his room, but made himself comfortable on a couch in the living room, a book in his hands. Which had come out of nowhere, obviously.

Okay, time to play it cool and smooth. Not really a challenge for Tony. “So… this was awesome. Sweet Sixteen Party? Cruel, but very creative. Could have been my idea.”

Loki didn’t bother to look up, but Tony could see his lips twitch in amusement. Score. Great. Now a little bit more. “All that Doctor Strange talk is bullshit by the way. He’s an insufferable show-off.”

Bullseye. Loki raised his head. “Indeed… He also has ridiculous facial hair.”

“Yeah, he… What? Oh, come on. His beard is awesome!”

And… Loki’s eyes were back on the book. Damn… Okay, change of strategy. Casually Tony sat down on the only spot of the couch that wasn’t covered by Loki. “You know… if you’re still feeling pissed about that… because Steve is a terrible pain in the ass and you need some… way to unwind and you want to do some more panther cuddling with me… I am game.”

Bingo, Loki met his eyes and narrowed them. “Have you been drinking again, Stark?”

Playing coy, how sweet. “Or you could just not be a panther this time, I don’t mind.”

“I know I will definitely regret this question and I should just send you to another realm for annoying me, but anyway… what are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about it’s being okay to be into me. I am hot, I have great facial hair. It’s almost impossible to not want to cuddle with me. So you don’t have to pretend to be a panther. Like you did. Last night.”

Tony was grinning and Loki’s eyes went a little bit wider. It took a lot to make Loki look surprised. Why was he surprised though? Bad feeling…

“Let’s see if I understand what you are implying. You think I turned into a panther to join you in your bed and… cuddle with you?” The words were filled with so much repugnance that Tony actually started questioning his own memories. Nah, you couldn’t make that up. “Tell me, Stark… have you ever heard something more ridiculous? I would appreciate if you stopped including me in your perverted fantasies. Feel free to never talk about it with me again or will turn you into a 16 year old girl, so you can have your own party.”

Before Tony could open his mouth to tell Loki to not play hard to get, the god just vanished in a flash of green light and Tony was left to feel stupid. And to discover Wanda who seemed to have just walked into room. Obviously she had heard some parts of the conversation, because her mouth was hanging open.

Uhm… Tony should say something to explain this rather awkward situation. “Oh, he’s so totally into me.”

She was still staring and this was becoming embarrassing, so Tony fled with from the room with his dignity still intact. “Friday, do me a favour. Check the security footage from last night… I didn’t happen to take a shitload of drugs and imagined cuddling with a panther Loki, right?”

“According to the footage you fell asleep on the couch last night, alone.”

Okay, so there were two possibilities. The first heavily implied that Tony should get a head scan. The second one… “That fucking jerk is using his stupid magic to hide the fact he has completely fallen for my charms…”

Oh, Tony was so going to get back at him for this… first he needed to figure out a plan… and a drink.

Half an hour later Tony wondered around the house, a beer in his hand, pondering about how making Loki pay for this. He wasn’t coming up with any ideas, but stumbled into Rhodey and Sam who could maybe be of some help. First time for everything, right?

“Tony, you’re sure it’s a good idea to go from Margaritas to beer when it’s not even noon?” Rhodey shook his head and Tony demonstratively took a sip from the bottle. “Yeah, I’ve some rough five minutes. Give me a break.” Tony definitely didn’t like the shit-eating grin on Sam’s face. “What? Birdy bird got something to say?”

“No, I agree. Being rejected by Loki must be really devastating. I believe that merits a drink.”

Wow, Wanda did like to gossip, didn’t she?

Rhodey’s face looked pretty stupid when his mouth dropped open and his eyebrows went up. “Loki?! Do you really want to get your dick cut off?”

“Hey, he came onto me! He just doesn’t remember it… acts like he doesn’t remember it… Anyway what are you doing?” Not the best way to distract from himself, but since Sam and Rhodey were standing in front of the open door to the gym it was a legit question. “We’re trying to get an inferiority complex.” Rhodey smirked and stepped aside so Tony could get a look of what they were watching.

Barnes was trying to get over his traumatic experience among teenage girls by beating the crap out of Steve and vice-versa. At first glance. Second glance made it rather look like foreplay. Which made Tony furious, because in which reality was Steve getting more action than Tony Stark? That was just wrong.

Taking another sip Tony watched Steve dodging one of Barnes’ punches. “So… how long has this been going on?”

Sam’s reaction told Tony that it had taken them quite some time to figure out that their Birdman was blind. “How long has what been going on?”

Dismissing of Sam, because he was obviously useless, Tony looked expectantly at Rhodey who shrugged. “Hell, I don’t know, it’s not like I watch them 24/7. I guess a couple of weeks?”

“Huh… What are you guys talking about?” Sam had to be trolling them. There was no other way. Tony and Rhodey shared a confused glance and then turned back to Barnes and Steve. The foreplay had intensified. Steve had managed to get Barnes into headlock who didn’t make a serious attempt to get out. Not at all. Honestly, Tony had never seen a guy so unbothered by having another guy pressing up against his back.

“About that.” Tony felt like this was the perfect mic drop and took another sip from his beer. He was about to sip out a second later when Sam still looked completely clueless. “What?”

Fine, Tony was going to talk very slowly, not slurring his words. “Cap and Barnes.”

Sam blinked in confusion.

Sighing deeply Tony pleaded Rhodey with his eyes to help him. “Cap and Barnes. Together.”

Oh, come on! Sam was still acting oblivious and Tony groaned loudly. “Cap and Barnes. Fucking.” To make sure that there wasn’t going to be a misunderstanding, Tony made a pretty obscene gesture with the help of the beer bottle in his hand.

Thank god, this time Sam finally made the connection and had a stroke. At least he made a face as if Tony had just grown another head. A very ugly head with Voldemort’s face. “What?! No! Cap and… You guys are crazy!”

Again Tony looked to Rhodes who rolled his eyes. “Come on, Sam. It’s fairly obvious.”

Obvious? They probably had to make out on the kitchen table in front of Sam, so he would get it.

Still shaking his head Sam now seemed much calmer, because he had decided that they had gone mad. “You have lost your mind. Cap and Barnes? Come on! They are soldiers! They are from the 40ies! They are not…” He was gesturing, probably not able to pronounce the word ‘gay’, so Tony helped him. “Fucking? Doing it? Fornicate? Getting it on? Hitting a home run? Getting some booty? Getting down and dirty? Banging? Getting nasty? Making the beast with two backs? Cleaning the pipes? Makin’ whoopee? Occupying Vagistan… Fuck, that last one, doesn’t work…“

Now Barnes wasn’t the only one scarred for life and Rhodey’s palm connected with his forehead. What? Tony had a large vocabularly and sometimes he wanted to use it and be helpful.

“You are crazy…”

“Right, I forgot doing the horizontal mambo…”

“Stark, I know you are frustrated because of Loki, but not everybody is gay.” Sam nodded determinedly and Tony was really happy to shatter his illusions. Without any shame Tony pointed at Steve and Barnes. “So… this is not gay?”

Barnes had finally decided to get out of Steve’s grip and had turned the tables. Somehow they had ended up on the floor with Barnes on top, his hands pinning both of Steve’s wrist to the floor. Their faces were inches apart, there was heavy breathing and Steve didn’t try anything, seemingly content with staring into Barnes’ eyes. Tony was going to suffocate on all that sexual tension. Sam had suddenly stopped arguing and that was good enough for Tony.

“Hey! You guys either get a room or you finally give us a show and start doing it!”

It was hilarious to see how quickly they got up to and Steve blushed from head to toe while Barnes was putting on his ‘psycho killer’ glare. Damn, that was even scarier than Loki’s death stare.

“Get your mind out of the gutter, Stark. I know you’ve never worked out a day in your life, but there usually is some physical contact.”

“Lamest excuse ever. Glad you’re feeling better though. You looked pretty screwed up just a moment ago. Is that all it takes to break the Winter Solider? Some shrieking teenage girls?”

“They were at least 40! And they were trying to tear me apart!” Barnes was suddenly yelling, Steve was putting a hand on his shoulder and Tony couldn’t stop laughing. This was hilarious. Loki had a sick humour and Tony was loving it.

“Okay… what is going on?“ Now Rhodey was the confused one and Steve glared at him. Aww, how cute and so protective. For one second Tony was actually inclined to give them a break, but then he remembered that they were going to have sex tonight and he wasn’t. “Loki found Barnes’ weakness – teenage girls. Wait, that sounded wrong. Don’t worry, Cap, he’s still totally into you.”

Now even Steve was opening his mouth to give Tony shit, time to run. “Anyway, gotta go. Rhodes…” Grabbing his arm Tony pulled him along, getting to safety. “Wilson really didn’t know? How could anybody miss that?”

“I know, unbelievable. You know what’s also unbelievable. That everybody in this house is getting laid but me! That’s just not natural!”

“You weren’t really trying to hit on Loki, right? You aren’t that frustrated?”

“Hey, I swear it, he came on to me!”

Rhodey was rolling his eyes and Tony snorted. Why was that so hard to believe? What was so weird about Loki turning into a panther and falling asleep in Tony’s lap? Maybe Tony should bring that up during dinner…

“Yeah, he sure did…”

“What?! Why is this so hard to believe?! I am incredibly attractive and interesting!”

Tony didn’t get an answer, but a condescending gaze and oh, the game was so on! “Fine, I’ll prove it to you! I don’t know yet how I am going to do that, but I’ll show you how badly he wants me.”

Unfortunately Rhodey clearly had already lost all interest. Fine, that gave Tony more time to figure out a plan. He kept thinking about this till dinner and Tony was quite embarrassed to admit that he hadn’t come up with anything. Except for being his usual charming self and looking fine. Long shower, using an actual hairbrush and putting on a suit like civilised person.

For some reason Tony was again one of the first persons to show up for dinner. It was Natasha’s turn to cook and they probably needed to have a conversation about that. Yesterday Wanda, today Natasha? Sexist much?

Whatever she was preparing smelled really good and Tony was determined to get a little taste before the others showed up. Walking around the table Tony approached the stove. “Hey, Nat, what are you… Holy shit!”

Jumping out of his skin Tony back off when he was being growled at. Not by Natasha, that would have also been scary, but that fucking black panther was guarding the stove. Not T’Challa, again.

“Still scared of her?” Natasha was grinning evilly and Tony was doing his best to not crawling onto the table to get away from those fangs. “Nah, I’m cool… cute little kitty… not going to eat me, right?”

To not look like a coward Tony hesitantly reached out to pet her and Masika instantly snarled at him. Jerking his hand back Tony was about to restart his ‘Anti panther’ campaign when a thought crossed his mind. “Wait a minute…” Kneeling down Tony closely watched the panther. It looked perfectly fine, like a best that could rip his throat out… and wanted to rip his throat out.

“You aren’t an Asgardian god by any chance?”

The panther merely snarled at him. Ha! That was a hint, wasn’t it? “Right… thought so… you are way too cute to have anything in common with this big, bad, dark, brooding, emo, selfish…”

“What are you doing?”

Damn! Not again. This wasn’t funny anymore. Turning his head Tony spotted Loki standing right behind him, his arms crossed in front of his chest. Looking back to the panther Tony sighed. “You could have said something, now I look like an idiot…”

Another snarl and Tony jumped back up to his feet. Loki had already decided to ignore him and sit down at the table. Now that was a good start. Before Tony could start showing off how cool and perfectly sane he was their happy couple walked into the room and Loki smirked as soon as he saw Barnes.

Smirk

Psycho killer glare

Hilarious…

“How are you faring, Sergeant Barnes?”

“Shut up, Loki.”

Steve sighed softly, but didn’t say anything.

“Sit down, boys. Be nice to each other.” Natasha seemed genuinely amused and Tony wanted his fucking spotlight back. It definitely didn’t help that the rest of the Avengers was now waltzing in and Thor was excitingly telling everybody about he had found out about the difference between football and soccer. Vision and Wanda were babbling about some magic nonsense and nobody was paying attention to how awesome Tony looked.

Everyone had just sat down when Tony realised that there was one chair too many. What another person who was going to invite their boy-, girlfriend? This was getting so annoying.

“Nat, can you wait another minute? We’re having a guest tonight.” The psycho killer glare had disappeared and Barnes was suddenly looking completely smug. Bad sign. Really bad. What was…

Nobody had a chance to ask a question, because the second Barnes had finished his sentence they could hear the doorbell ringing.

Not even raising his voice Barnes reacted to it. “Just come in, no reason to use the door.”

Instantly Loki’s head flung up and his expression turned dark. “No, you didn’t!”

“Oh, hell yes, I did!”

Tony didn’t catch on to it until somebody was suddenly standing right next to the table. Out of nowhere. Long, stupid red cape, but a great, really fashionable beard. “Good evening.”

Natasha played the perfect host, greeting Doctor Strange with a smile while everybody could hear Loki gritting his teeth. “How nice to see you, Stephen. First time you accept an invitation.”

Strange simply nodded dismissively how he always did. “I am not overly fond of these get togethers, but the Winter Solider brought up some interesting implications that I found really tempting.”

Everyone was thinking the same thing and it was Sam who spelled it out. “Like pissing off Loki?”

Only now Strange’s eyes focused on Loki who was probably already conjuring his daggers. “Exactly.”

Loki quickly got a grip and tried to play it cool, relaxing his face. “Are you sure that’s the reason? Aren’t you here because you hope you might learn some things in the presence of a real sorcerer?”

Wow, that was harsh, but Tony kinda liked Loki’s spite. Also he was about to throw spoons at Steve again, because he knew him, Steve was already thinking about ending this fight before it even started.

To nobody’s surprise Strange didn’t seem impressed. At all. “Of course, Loki, I want to know more about your little shape shifting tricks while I am altering the course of time and reality.”

Yep, that was a pretty good counter attack. Tony was still rooting for Loki.

“Uhm guys, why don’t we just sit down and…”

Spoon being thrown at Steve – check.

“I am so deeply sorry. Are you still upset about the fact that you fell for my simple shape shifting trick when we were fighting Baron Mordo… because you couldn’t do that alone.”

“I was not fooled, I was not paying attention to you, since somebody had to use actual magic in this fight. Me.”

Barnes’s chuckle was accompanied by a slow clap. “1:0. Well done, Doc.”

Or not so well… Loki was getting up from his chair. Magic off? That would be awesome… or not… Tony didn’t want his house destroyed.

Loki’s voice was deeper than usual and Tony had to admit that this menacing whisper was somehow sexy. “Do you want to see some actual magic, Doctor Strange?”

When Strange took a step closer everybody had fallen so perfectly silent that Tony was sure everybody was holding their breath. “Oh, I would love to see that. Loki.”

Now they were just staring at each other and Tony began to have a bad feeling about this when Rhodey leaned towards him and murmured lowly “And since when has _this_ been going on?”

What?! What the fuck?! No!

“Everybody calm the fuck down! I don’t want any magic in my house! I had to accept the fucking panther, but that’s all I can take. Now sit down, shut up and don’t look at another person like you want to fuck them! Nobody is going to turn into a fucking panther or do some weird… sexual workout routine. Jesus, time for some decency in this house…”

Well, now everybody was staring at Tony… and not the good way.

Why had he wanted to move back in here?


End file.
